Unfaithful

The second counseling session I think went ok, but it was harder this time even though I maintained good soler skills. I showed interest in what my client was saying while maintaining fantastic eye contact without appearing too intense and I was somewhat relaxed. In the beginning of the session I greeted the client and attempted to make him feel welcome. I felt this would make me less threatening to him and show to him that I am a person with interests. I then asked very casually “what would you like to talk about?” This was an attempt to end chit chat, get down to the business at hand and give control of the conversation to him.

I used direct leading by saying “what do you want to talk about today?” I asked closed ended questions to gather information such as “are you in college and do you have a family?” I used indirect leading by asking “tell me more about the relationship before you found out about the affair?” During the session I kept thinking how I can relate to the client’s situation. I used an empathetic voice toned statement when I said “you feel scared because he threatened you.”  I used open ended questions “do you think you could survive on your own without your husband”? I am not really sure and I did take accountability for this by stating that I was not sure and that I did not have the answer to everything. I have never experienced anything in my personal life like this situation so I felt that I had no bias, but on the other hand was not really prepared for the situation because I had never given such an issue any thought.  I feel that this message of no bias to his situation was indicated when I showed no facial expression that would convey negativism. I did not try to out talk or over talk my client and gave him sufficient time to express himself.  In the interview I noted that by doing this technique he sometimes would hesitate and then go on and elaborate without any further encouragement. I do know there were a couple of times during the session that I hesitated too long with a period of silence that could cause feelings of awkwardness.  I realize that timing and keeping pace in the session is important. 

 I tried to be empathetic toward the client but I found it difficult because I have never been married nor had a partner that was unfaithful. I have had some experience through my sister who was married for seven years and found out that her husband was cheating.  She made the decision to file for divorce and now is very happy with a new partner. Divorce in my family is acceptable, if necessary, but for my client and her family, divorce is not to be considered. I can somewhat relate to this client’s issues because of my sister’s experience, but otherwise I can only offer support and empathy because I wasn’t sure what was the true root of the problem.

                              The presenting problem was my client being cheated on by her husband of nine years. The working problem is that she was scared, threatened and she wanted out of the relationship, but didn’t want to disappoint her family by getting a divorce.  I used minimal encouragers by nodding my head and saying ok to encourage her to continue and I summarized the main themes.   My plan of action was to find out what the problem was and help the client sort out the issues.  I had difficulty initiating the flow of the session a few times and I was aware that my pauses were too long while I searched for what action to take next. I used silence hoping that the pause would probe the client to go further into the discussion.

                  I provided no feedback and was unable to indicate how the client was progressing because I had met the client for the first time and felt that I did not know her well enough.  I felt the client’s behavior did not affect me because I stayed neutral with the issues presented and I was able to accept her viewpoints. I did not provide immediacy which is a type of feedback that refers to the present, outside of the session, that is not directly related to the session. I did not explore with the client outside situations that surround the current issue. I felt the session maintained momentum and had direction, there was no physical distance between myself and the client, trust was not an issue, there was no power struggle and I felt no sexual tension. I did not offer information or confront the client because it was our first meeting and the details she shared seemed consistent.   Because she did not show inconsistencies during the session I did not probe deeper into the issues that she presented, but would plan to do so in a future session.

                 I did not set any goals with my client. I never really got under the surface to determine the reason for the problem. She led me to believe that the marriage was great and there were no other issues except her husband cheating with multiple women. I never determined the cause for the infinity and it was obvious that she wanted to leave the relationship, but felt constraints due to her family values and children. I was frustrated as a counselor because I did not know how to help her figure out what to do because I did not know.  I hope that talking it through with me helped her organize some of her own thoughts.

            I feel more comfortable doing the counseling sessions but I really do not like to role play. I feel I do a better job being the counselor than when I am being the client. Even though I was the counselor during this role play I found this session was difficult for me. I really felt that I did not know what to ask or how to go deeper into the issues. I wanted to give her advice but I should not offer my opinion and I found it hard to hold back. I was confused about what to say because she had conflicting values. I felt a little more comfortable with the role play, but I feel that I have not demonstrated improvement in my techniques and by watching this session I realize how much improvement I need. I have gained a lot of skills from both video tapes. I have learned about myself and what I am good at.