Couple Therapy

Marriage between heterosexual couples in Western culture continues to be a common occurrence. Statistics indicate that 90% of U.S. citizens, both male and female, marry by 50 years of age (Emery). Unfortunately, current statistics also indicate that out of the 2.7 million marriages per year in the U.S., 40-50% end in divorce. Poor communication, financial struggles, and infidelity deteriorate many couples’ relationships and cause them to seek outside guidance and resolution (Emery, 2013).

      When a man and a woman enter into the legal/economic/social binding of a marriage, expectations are focused on success and happiness (Wallerstein and Blkeslee, 1996). However, multiple factors enter in that can disrupt these goals.  These interrupting factors are numerous and influences upon the marriage from each partner need to be considered.  Interrupting factors could include: current social-economic status, age, religion, commitment, feelings of love, and desire for children. Current data indicates that married couple’s median age is 26 for women and 28 years of age for men, respectively. Approximately 64% of people currently married in the U.S. are 52% of all males and 48% of all females. However 40% of all first time marriages end in divorce and the divorce rate is even higher for subsequent marriages (Wallerstein and Blkeslee, 1996).

       Researchers indicate that there are multiple tasks that a married couple should accomplish in order to be successful which include: emotional separation, restricting autonomy, supporting during a crisis, forming a safe haven, and maintaining romance. Emotional separation from their immediate families and becoming a new entity as a couple is an important initial step. The couple needs to build intimacy and that can be accomplished by forming strong boundaries; restricting each individual’s autonomy. When either partner is confronted by crisis, they need to be joined closely together and give the necessary support and acceptance to the other partner. A marriage bond should ideally provide a safe haven for each partner where they feel that either of them can express their differences, anger, and conflict. Although maintaining the feeling of romance is a desirable characteristic, providing comfort for each other is a key element. Longevity of a marriage can be reinforced by avoidance of boredom and isolation as a couple (Wallerstein and Blkeslee, 1996).

       Although the division between partners can have multiple causes, there are many common themes. Research indicates that one of the most frequent issues is poor money management skills. Entrance into a marriage bond theoretically should enhance economic security for each partner by sharing in the overall cost of living expenses. Many couples have high hopes of obtaining financial security that is difficult and nearly impossible to achieve as an individual. Any threat to this ideal can prove to be overwhelming and disappointing for one or both partners (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005).

      Multiple troubled couples have shared that their partner has participated in an extramarital affair. Even though statistics indicate that 25% of marriages are impacted by a physical affair, also it indicates that both genders participate equally. A non-physical affair can be just as destructive as a physical affair because one of the partners ignores the other. Any type of affair threatens the marriage relationship and causes unstable emotions (Emery, 2013).

      Personal problems carried into the marriage by either partner become part of the formula for the couple. These personal problems can have multiple origins such as: medical conditions, psychiatric disorders, medications, psychological issues, sexual dysfunction, irrational behavior, high levels of fatigue, eating disorders, biochemical imbalances and substance abuse (Wallerstein and Blkeslee, 1996).

      Distorted expectancies can produce inappropriate responses (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005).  Marriage partners many times expect a certain reaction to a specific situation. These expectations can encompass positive or negative feelings leading to distorted interpretations by either partner resulting in defensive or even aggressive responses. Through their distorted views the partner projects negative characteristics towards their partner with irrational thoughts. These negative thoughts build over time and the pressure can be released in unhealthy, repetitive behaviors (Emery, 2013).  

       Communication and conflict management becomes a key to the survival of the marriage. Negative feelings towards a partner pave the way for conflict such as: criticism, blaming, defensiveness; not taking responsibility, feelings of contempt, projecting superiority or stone walling within the relationship. Basically, any married couple can experience any of these issues at any stage of the relationship. Statistics indicate that disruptive factors are higher within the first marriage and many of these marriages will dissolve within the first five years (Emery, 2013).

        Even though statistics indicate that nearly 50% of marriages in the U.S. dissolve into separation or divorce, there is still a hope that couples are able to recognize major dissention and consequently seek outside resources. Distress in an intimate relationship is the most common reason for the referral of clients. Many distressed couples view couple therapy as a “last ditch” resort, but it should be viewed as a positive.  If they do seek assistance and the outcome improves the relationship or even saves the marriage, then this type of treatment could be beneficial to the couple by preventing single-parent homes (Weatherhead and Flaherty, 2011).

      20 years ago couple therapy was not readily accepted, not only on a personal level, but publicly or professionally. In more recent years the acceptance of marriage therapy has improved and more people understand its legitimacy and helpfulness. Modern day marriage therapists recognize that the institution of marriage has historically evolved. Throughout history many marriages were culturally prearranged and each spouse entered with distinct expectations. Marriage was viewed as fulfilling traditional roles and obligations as approved culturally and there were firm boundaries of gender roles for both men and women. Each partner felt duty and responsibility and focused on the development of their family that generally included children and acquiring real estate. Frequently referred to as the nuclear family, these historical traditions have drastically changed. Changing couples have originated through factors such as family of origin, personality development, and views about the definition of love (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2011).

        Research has found that there are many theories that are effective in couple therapy such as: Bowen’s Systems Therapy and Adlerian Therapy. Bowen’s Therapy focuses on each member of the family making up a whole and that no one is alone in any issue because the whole family shares the experience. Adlerian Therapy supports that everyone has a past, present, and future with each member striving for perfection to help overcome their feelings of inferiority. Birth order, taking responsibility for reactions to life events, and the family socialization of a child before the age of five are major themes. He refers to the “me first” mentality that can drastically affect a marriage relationship. Bowen’s Systems Theory and Adlerian Theory seem to be appropriate theories to apply toward couple therapy (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005).

         Adlerian therapy was developed by Alfred Adler.  He believed that people were influenced their conscience not by instincts (Driskell, 2009). Adlerian Therapy has had a long tradition of being effective in helping couples (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005). This theory supports the view that there are three universal tasks that a person must master. The first one is the social task; the purpose is to build friendships. The second task is the love-marriage task; the purpose is to develop intimate relationships. The third is the occupational task; the purpose is to contribute to society (Driskell, 2009).

          Adlerian Therapy holds two basic assumptions: people are social beings and no thought, feeling or act can be understood without the social aspect, and every thought and feeling are goal-directed. Adlerian Therapy supports that people choose their own paths and their own future regardless of their past or genetic makeup (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005). This concept of an individual’s choice is the main theme of the therapy (Driskell, 2009). Subjective perceptions of the world and behavior formulate rules that guide their life because of a set of beliefs that include: distortions, exaggerations, and mistakes. Examination of an individual’s choices can be assessed by the therapist helping to gain insights into why certain choices are made. The therapist combines the individual’s set of beliefs, family dynamics, past experiences, and lifestyle to individualize the therapy (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005).

          The behavior between partners is important to determine intent or goals of each person and can be used to help unlock a couple’s conflict that can facilitate change or be destructive to a relationship (Driskell, 2009). The therapist works with each individual to uncover values and assumptions. When a person becomes aware of how their misconceptions affect their behavior it becomes the task of the therapist to redirect them to a more useful way of living (Mitchell, 2010).

       Adlerian therapy contains 6 concepts: holism, field theory, teleology, creative self, lifestyle, and private intelligence. The therapist applies holism when they interpret: verbal and nonverbal behavior, communication, content of information from the family, overall impression about each family member’s positive or negative behavior, roles and interactions (Abramson, 2007).   According to Mitchell filed theory is applied by the therapist by observing each family member’s interactions within the family and society as a whole.  Teleology is each family member’s motive to strive for avoidance of the “inferiority-complex” and accomplish “goal-direction” that focuses on self-competence based on the past, present and the future. The creative self is the therapist’s belief that each family member needs to be accountable for their own personality and response. A person needs to control their own behavior and not blame others. The lifestyle of each family member is understood by examining their early life experiences which can create a lifetime theme.  Interpretation of their theme dominates understanding their behavior. Private intelligence is the thinking processes of each family member used to justify their sown self-serving actions and reactions towards life. The therapist collects and interprets these six concepts of each family member and begins to develop a therapeutic plan (Mitchell, 2010).

          There are 4 stages of therapy: relationship, investigation, interpretation, and orientation. If both partners are not willing to actively participate in therapy, building a therapeutic relationship and having positive results can be difficult. The therapist must show the resistant person that the therapy is beneficial to them; must immediately assure the couple that the therapist understands and respects their private logic and point of view. In the investigation the task of the therapist is to discover the premise of how they operate and contribute to their relationship and their lifestyle, which gives insight into their difficulties. Ultimately to understand the couple the therapist needs to see how they interact with each other. This can pinpoint the real issues at the core of couple’s conflict (Abramson, 2007). The therapist must discuss with the couple a contract and negotiate areas that the therapist and the couple may disagree. These negotiations reflect how the dynamics and behaviors are contributing to the long-term disruption and how intervention can take place (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005).

        Intervention strategies often include taking responsibility for behavior once they know the mistake or lifestyle dynamics that created the problems. The couple must set goals and take the initiative to change (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005). In reorientation the therapist informs the clients about rules of relationships and communication. They try to guide them away from competiveness, criticism, and humiliation toward a lifestyle that is built on mutual respect, equality, encouragement, and cooperation (Abramson, 2007).The therapist establishes an action plan, makes changes to the interactions they have toward each other, and evaluates (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005).

        The goals of Adlerian Therapy are to examine the lifestyles, develop couple insight, and change behaviors. People make goals and plans for the future. Adler believed that humans are future-oriented (Driskell, 2009). One of the goals of this therapy is to overcome the inferior parts of self. Adler believed that the inferiority of the subconscious and defense mechanisms play the largest role to determine someone’s behavior. Feelings of inferiority lead to unhappy, incomplete, frustrated, and unsatisfactory lives. An inferiority complex may be developed if the person feels overwhelmed with life and begins to focus on those feelings. An inferiority complex can be communicated to others as an attitude of superiority, which is really a defense mechanism to cover the inferiority. Bullies are a prime example. This complex can cause feelings of shyness, insecurity, indecisiveness, cowardly, submissiveness, and being overly compliant. (Mitchell, 2010).                 

        Adler believed that birth order influenced the way that people behave and this influences personality development (Topness, 2010). Each birth order level has its’ positive and negative aspects (Shulman and Mosak, 2010). The oldest children are usually high achievers, perfectionists, and are intellectual, conscientious, and dominating in social situations. They are parent pleasers, and set examples for younger siblings, and are responsible for other siblings.

       The oldest child usually receives the majority of attention. If a new sibling comes along they might feel threatened and this may lead to resentment of their siblings. The older sibling may feel that they are in competition for attention and this may lead to stress and conflict in the siblings’ relationship. The second born child can be outgoing, less anxious, competitive, and rebellious, attempt to be the best, feel less constrained by rules, and excel at what the first born could not (Topness, 2010).

       The middle child may feel cheated by other siblings and this may lead to feelings of inferiority (Topness, 2010). The middle child is sensitive to mistreatment or unfairness; they are afraid they will miss out. The middle child struggles to figure out where they belong, are eager for parent praise, excel in negotiation; serve as peacemakers of the family, and can be manipulative (Shulman and Mosak, 2010).

       The youngest child can be pleasing to the rest of the family, dependent, selfish, spoiled and pampered due to being taken care of by the family and have a hard time dealing with being told “no”.  They are confident, like to have fun, have great social skills, are independent and are high achievers (Topness, 2010). The youngest child will want to catch up with other siblings and are motivated to achieve this goal (Shulman and Mosak, 2010).

        An only child does not have a rival to compete with so it is sometimes difficult for them to learn to share. They are usually similar to the first born child in that they can be selfish and pampered, have high achievement and are driven, are mature, more comfortable around adults and relate to others well.  They often succeed well intellectually and creatively, but lack social skills (Shulman and Mosak, 2010).

       Family serves as the basic socialization of children (Topness, 2010). Birth order is not the absolute determinant of personality development but does have some influence. There are many variables that influence how a person may develop. Everything within the personality; thinking, feelings, memory, dreams, fantasy, and even handwriting, formulates during childhood (Mitchell, 2010).  The psychological component of the child depends on his birth order. Each child has their own expectations and behavioral demands. How well a child acts and how satisfied they are within their role influences what traits they develop as an adult (Shulman & Mosak, 2010). The social goals associated with adulthood are friendships, comradely, social contact during a career and those they love within a marriage. It’s a failure to meet these results in neurotic personalities (Mitchell, 2010). If fate is determined by birth order, alone we take away the individuals freedom of choice which Adlerian therapy rejects (Shulman & Mosak, 2010).   

        The role of the counselor is to act as a teacher, model, detective, and humorist. He/she needs to explore the conscious thoughts, beliefs, and logic of a couple to get the couple to recognize each other as equals and promote the therapeutic relationship (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005). The therapeutic relationship must be an integration on which both couples can agree (Abramson, 2007).  The therapist is an encourager that exams their faculty logic, has them take responsibility, and empowers the couple.  Change occurs through homework assignments and re-education. The therapist alliance focuses on couple strengths and resources (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005). The counselor must act as an encourager by expressing positive sides of each person in the relationship despite difficulties, stress ways that the couple needs each other and meets needs, and foster pride (Abramson, 2007). Encouragement can be more effective and bring more change if the couple can move away from scolding and criticizing each other. Encouragement can build up a sense of community and cooperation. But it should not be used where one person of the couple is demeaning of the other. It helps them learn that the real solution is to get rid of the control and create an atmosphere where both parties are accepted (Abramson, 2007).

         There are multiple techniques that Adlerian therapist use. Some techniques include: rapport, examining life style, insight, paradoxical intention, conformation, challenging logic and behavior, and task setting. The question helps to understand how the problem avoids its responsibilities (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2011). The couple is asked to imagine what life would be like if they no longer suffered with the problem. Paradoxical intention requires the couple to engage in a problem to see what they can learn and resist pre-set patterns. Once the problem is deemed illogical, the underlying goal of the behavior is revealed. As the couple learns to understand their own personal goals, they develop more confidence and consequently make better choices. Ongoing behavioral monitoring is a must to make the change permanent and successful. It puts insight into action and stops the person from falling into old habits. The therapist assigns homework for the couple that is tailored to bring about change.  Another technique of Adlerian Therapy is assessment. It is an ongoing process and in depth. How the person fits into their family of origin, how their emotional needs are met, and their struggles are examined. Termination of the therapy has to be mutually agreed upon by the couple and the therapist, once the main goals are accomplished (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2011). 

                        Systems Therapy supports that when people exist they invariably will develop relationships. Human experiences are best understood in relational terms and situations that connect within their relationships. Family is an open system and is influenced by other factors such as: society, culture, and the economy (Weatherhead and Flaherty, 2011). Families change over time and difficulties within the family may stem from attempting to adapt to changes. A couple is together because of a lack of completion in ways that they feel they have a deficiency, but when the partner fails to complete the deficiency they relive experiences from the past and experience feelings of dependency, isolation, and defensiveness. When they come to therapy they bring unmet emotional needs and expect the therapist to quickly fix the problems, but therapy can be long-term and require many sessions. Being comfortable with oneself results from comfortable acceptance by others, awareness of own needs and feelings, communicating clearly, and accepting disagreements when others disagree. The three important concepts in the organization of the relationship are: wholeness, withdrawal, and boundaries.  Wholeness is where the therapist examines patterns between the couple and sees the larger pattern of interactions between the dyad. The second is withdrawal which includes nagging and passive-aggressive behavior. The third is boundaries which may be strengthened, loosened, or changed through therapy.  Addressing the wholeness, withdrawal, and boundary patterns of the couple by the therapist help the relationship function effectively (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005).

                        Research has found that conjoint couple and family therapy have been effective in producing change. Approximately 60-75% of couples in treatment together solved more issues compared to 35% of couples that attempted to solve problems individually. Therapy was particularly effective with couples that were dealing with mental illness causing distress and dissatisfaction within the marriage (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005).

       Murray Bowen developed Family Systems Theory. This theorist supported the idea that the family is the emotional unit and includes a network of interlocking relationships that are disciplined and engaged. The driving force of behavior is the submerged ebb and the flow of family life and the push and pull between family members for distance and togetherness. The core issue of conflict results from the balancing life forces that cause family togetherness but at the same time the desire for individual autonomy. If the two forces are successfully balanced the couple can maintain intimacy while differentiating themselves sufficiently (Goldenberg, 2011).

        According to Bowen there are eight interlocking concepts which are: need for differentiation of self, triangles, the nuclear family’s emotional system, family projection, emotional cutoffs, multigenerational transmission, sibling positioning, and society regression. All of these concepts can escalate conflict and stress levels for couples.

         Differentiation of self is one’s ability to separate feelings from cognitive thinking. This concept is demonstrated by the degree to which a person can think, plan, and follow their set of values. In family therapy the therapist encourages the individual of the dyad to not be emotionally detached, but to strive for balance and achieve self-definition.  Being driven purely by emotion adds distress and the goal is to obtain a balance between emotion and cognition. If there is too much fusion between thoughts and feelings the couple will be too emotional attached and become dysfunctional. A person with strong sense of self has conviction and clearly defined beliefs. Fusion within the couple can develop a dysfunctional pseudo-self that generates fearfulness, emotional neediness, and altered thinking to believe that these feelings are real.  In reality, these emotions are composed of feelings and values towards each other (Goldenberg, 2011).

            Bowen developed a scale to measure fusion and self-differentiation ranging from 0-100.   If the person scored below 50 they are low on self-differentiation which means that they like to please, support, seek support from others, lack the capacity for autonomy, need security, avoid conflict, and have difficulty thinking independently. If a person scored between 51 and 75 they have average self-differentiation which means they have definite beliefs and values, are overly concerned with the opinions of others, and are impulsive. If a person has a score of 76-100 they have high self-differentiation which means they have clear values and beliefs, are goal-directed, flexible, secure, autonomous, and can tolerate stress and conflict.  The goal is to obtain the highest score possible which equals a clearer defined self-differentiation, which can contribute to a healthier relationship (Goldenberg, 2011).

             The second concept is triangles which are the building blocks of the Family Systems Therapy. Triangles involve bringing a third party into a family issue.  The intention is to attempt to break a stalemate and ask others their opinion about the conflict (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluos, 2011). This dilutes anxiety, creates stability and flexibility, becomes more flexible and creates higher self-differentiation and which can allow an optimal level of closeness and distance between family members, therefore lessening anxiety. Too many triangles can heighten the problem by projecting their anxiety towards the third person. Projection may cause temporary stability for the couple, but it does not resolve the true issue (Sperry Carlson, and Peluso, 2011).     

         Triangles have 4 possible outcomes such as: the stable person can be destabilized by the third person, the stable couple can be destabilized by the removal of the third person, the unstable couple can be stabilized by the addition of the third party, or the unstable couple can be stabilized by the removal of the third party (Goldenberg, 2011).

        Family Systems Theory focuses on the nuclear family as an emotional system. When a couple is fused it can lead to fighting, distancing, and exploitation of each other. This therapy emphasizes that the dyad and family must have a proper balance of fusion and self-differentiation. Too much togetherness without sufficient self-differentiation causes fusion and the couple becomes highly reactive, emotional, and their strong attraction towards each other turns into dependency and anxiety. Too little togetherness with insufficient self-differentiation leads to disengaged relationships, isolation, and high anxiety. Too much or too little self-differentiation within the couple will over time cause reactive patterns and when not resolved, can lead to a destructive pattern to the family and the couple. Physical or emotional dysfunction of either spouse can lead to a chronic condition.  Overt, chronic, and unresolved marital conflict leads to emotional distancing, over-closeness, extremely negative feelings during conflict and extremely positive feelings during closeness. Low self-differentiation can cause one of the adults within the family to focus on a child and this will cause psychological impairment for that child (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2011).

         Family projection involves the couple transmitting their level of self-differentiation onto a child, furthering their separation. Low self-differentiation within the family can cause one member to have over adequate reciprocity, which means they are designated to carry most of the responsibilities (Goldenberg, 2011).

        Emotional cutoff is accomplished by extreme emotional distancing in an attempt to break all emotional ties which escalates into unresolved fusion, high anxiety, and high emotional dependence (Goldenberg, 2011).

        Multigenerational transmission process is a severe dysfunction which is the result of chronic anxiety transmitted over several generations. This transmission of dysfunction will interrupt healthy family patterns for years (Goldenberg, 2011).       

          Sibling positioning contributes to the definition of roles, personality development and interaction between family members. This positioning affects family historically and will contribute to more dysfunction if self-differentiation is not clearly defined (Goldenberg, 2011).           

          Society regression happens when there is extreme anxiety caused by a social environment that causes the couple to surge into a state of togetherness.  This social regression can cause overall social isolation that will contribute to no outside interaction, building a higher level of dysfunction (Goldenberg, 2011).

            The goal of the therapist utilizing the Systems Family Theory includes goals such as: solving problems, improving communication, developing uniqueness, managing anxiety, and increasing individual autonomy within the existing family structure. The therapist needs to interpret the family’s cycle of problems and how to solve those problems more effectively. Communication must be improved by examining how each member handles conflict. The family with the guidance of the therapist examines how each member is self-differentiated and how decision-making is fused emotionally and cognitively. Finding each family member’s uniqueness and their development of the ability to think and behave outside the family is an important goal (Wood and Wood, 2008).  Family therapy helps manage anxiety and achieve a high level of self-differentiation to improve the couple’s ability to adapt to issues within the relationship (Goldenberg, 2011). Increasing individual autonomy and fostering self-actualization and self-esteem are important goals in family therapy (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2011).

        The therapist analyzes the past and future emotional system, guides the management of anxiety, eliminates triangles and aides each member to increase their individual self-differentiation. The therapist acts as a coach for the couple and their family and is the active expert to assist members to clarify emotional responses to one another. The couple is encouraged to listen to each other, think about situations, control reactions, learn to express their positions, and avoid triangles. The therapist guides them to develop an authentic, emotionally engaged relationship with other members of the family rather than repeating old, dysfunctional patterns. Confrontation by each family member is discouraged by the therapist and considered non-productive. They are encouraged to talk to the therapist rather than to each other without blaming, but to focus on the part they play in the dyad (Goldenberg, 2011). The therapist’s role is to develop new ways for the couple to handle issues, to make connections between different levels of the relationship and to include the past, present, and future. The therapist must remain open-minded (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2005). The therapist examines the communication styles, problem-solving skills, of the family and then models new ways for the family to interact (Wood and Wood, 2008).

            There are several techniques a therapist uses in family therapy such as: evaluation, interviews, genograms, sculpturing, circular casualty and circular thinking, hypothesis and formulating. An evaluation interview usually happens on the phone between a family member and the therapist. History of the present problem, symptoms of anxiety and distress and the impact upon each person in the relationship, emotional intensity and functioning, how the members seek relief, and what they hope to gain are examined. The degree of dysfunction, pattern of the problem, anxiety level at various stages of life, amount of stress in the past and present, patterns of fusion and degree of emotional isolation are examined. The therapist searches for clues of how these pressures have been expressed within the family relationship and how effectively they have been adapted by the dyad, which includes the nuclear as well as the extended family. A new road map for the emotional system is developed (Goldenberg, 2011).

          Genograms are frequently utilized in family therapy which examines multigenerational patterns of members within a family (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2011). Genograms summarize and gather a large amount of data about the relationships, history between family members and the timeline of events (Weatherhead and Flaherty 2011). Genograms usually include names, siblings, ages, marriage status, divorce, adoptions, religion, work, ethnicity, location, socio-economic status, health, and life events for three generations of each partner. (Goldenberg, 2011).

      Sculpturing techniques explore the long-term beliefs and feelings that have shaped the views of each partner and their relationship. Searching for long-term issues can uncover underlying difficulties between the dyad (Goldenberg, 2011).

       Circular causality is when both partners are involved and there is resistance. The therapist pays close attention to patterns and what connects them. The couple needs to be empowered by the therapist to change patterns.  A therapist’s goal for change is an important ingredient to affect long-term relief and resolution of a couple’s issues. Surface changes can reduce symptoms and resolve the presenting problems, but do not substantially affect the underlying issues. An attitude change and new behaviors must be created within the dyad. (Sperry, Carlson, and Peluso, 2011).

        Circular thinking is presented to the couple by the therapist that causes them to examine the issues, causes and effects, gather information, and look for the true root of the problem. Understanding a conflict can be difficult, but it can be enhanced when it is demonstrated how it is connected and how it becomes circular in nature. This circular pattern can be explained by the behavior, beliefs, and feelings maintained by a partner exhibited through their actions. The therapist guides the family to become aware of new ideas and patterns in a non-confrontational manner.

      The therapist hypothesizes and formulates ideas about the family based on their changes over time when different situations are presented. These ideas need to be examined and discussed with the family to validate the therapist’s understanding of the dynamics and offer encouragement to the family. The greater the insights to the situation improve communication within the family to make them more aware of behavior, therefore leading to changes in behavior. The therapist will look at the solutions and successes between sessions, focus on change, and assist the couple and other family members to find long-term solutions for the problems so that when therapy is terminated future difficulties can be prevented (Weatherhead and Flaherty, 2011).

         A combination of Adlerian Therapy and Family Systems Therapy would be the ideal approach. Any therapist could combine the theories that take into account conscious decision- making and rely on the family dynamics, past experiences, values, and lifestyle to gain insight into a problem. Taking into consideration that child development and experiences formulate personality, it is important determinant of who the person becomes as an adult. The past greatly contributes to the person’s potential feelings of inferiority, irrational thoughts and behaviors within their social circle. The past, present, and future are taken into account in relation to how a person can successfully move towards change if they do not understand where the feelings of inferiority, irrational thoughts and behaviors originated. Many times even though a person becomes aware of their behavior that is driven by their own personal misinterpretations, they do not always know how to change.

       Being social is important for a person to be able to move towards meeting their needs, live a satisfied life and reach self-actualization. Intervention strategies and evaluations are helpful for a therapist to use to guide the dyad away from competiveness, criticism, humiliation and lead them toward mutual respect, equality, encouragement, and cooperation. If a partner has an inferiority-complex the couple experiences unhappiness, incompleteness, and feelings of dissatisfaction, exhibited by shyness, insecurities, indecisiveness, cowardliness, submissiveness, and over compliant lives. Self-differentiation is important because it is the ability to separate feelings from thinking. Without self-differentiation a couple cannot think independently and they will suffer from isolation, dependency, and expand their individual autonomy away from the dyad. When these types of dynamics exist and if the relationship ends, there is not enough self-differentiation as individuals, and the dyad may find that they have isolated themselves from the world socially and will lack enough support system to be successful.